Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I need to align my fucking chakras
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
