I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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