that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
