dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
