I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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