he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I wish you could order shots online.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
