her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Who wears a wallet chain?!
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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