I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
