You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
