I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
