He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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