Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
