You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
