i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
