I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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