Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize