I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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