dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
