I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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