I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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