dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
