I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
