you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
