Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
