it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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