Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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