Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
And then my night got REAL pukey
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
