I molested 6 butterflies tonight
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
