my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Randomize
