I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
