I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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