I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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