P.S. I can't hear my feet
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Randomize
