i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
It's shark week go big or go home
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
