So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
