He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
