We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
