She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
