apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
