Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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