Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
