She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
