By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
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