If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize