How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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