I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize