We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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