If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Randomize
