Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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