I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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