I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
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