singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
