your room smells of hookers.
And success
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
