I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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