Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
COCAINE IS GR8
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize