i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
