so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
