please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
