Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
