Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Welp...herpes.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
