They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
