pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
