Duck Duck Cougar?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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