I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I smell like Dick and happiness
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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