I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
