What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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