Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
