Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
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