Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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