Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
