the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
